Oh, To Live On Sugar Mountain (2011 Diary 2)
Fight Or Flight Mode (Mid-2013 Diary 2)
“Inform yourself or be silent forever!!!” My friend Martha writing a silly but wonderful message to a misogynistic boy from our high school. “What things matter? What things are worth aiming for?” Cats and moons and night sky and sailor collars and staying at my Mum’s house for a while and being alone too much. “Empty blue sky” and “dissociate”, spiritual but you need to stay grounded. “Clear eyed angels like that really speak to me” Being a bit in love with Angel Olsen’s music. “I want a self, I want to be seen, I want to know and be known” , “”The witch is at ease but will she relax her shoulders”, childhood fears uncomfortably re-emerging “meaty and untrustable”, feeling considerably brightened by staying at Martha’s house a lot, “fight or flight mode” “it’s like she’s a fucking alien (Patti Smith)” lots of late night cheap wine conversations, drunk gouache life drawing of Martha, bits of Martha’s stream of consciousness writing, hugs that last for more than a few seconds being so comforting, “Oh and we carried it so well” being really moved by the song ‘missed the boat’ late at night with Laura, feeling like it symbolized something important and feeling really excited about moving out again.
The Sky Was Vast And Real Cryptic Above Me! (Mid-2013 Diary 1)
(I already posted an earlier version of this one, but I added more to it since then.)
Feelings from mid-2013 (I don’t have words for them) and a story from being fourteen. Pigtails and Brisbane State High uniform and “no bets no bets no bets” painful obsessive-compulsive fear and “death and duffel coats do you feel trapped”. I feared my old cat dying so much, and when she did I cried all the way to school trying to think of something cheerful, duffel coats, it seems dark that clothes were the thing that held my world together when I was fourteen. It feels relevant because recently I was casually talking about my old cat and then I unexpectedly couldn’t stop crying.
Slate Blue Early 2000’s Feeling
a statement I wrote about this one that I didn’t end up needing to use for class:
Based on an impassioned but giggly late night conversation between my sister and I about the early 2000’s. The painting focuses especially on being twelve years old in 2003. I feel that the tween and early teen years are when you absorb the culture surrounding you the most, but without adequate defenses or reasoning to separate yourself from the negative parts. We have a lot of feelings about it.
I’ve mixed the painting with collaged panels from scribbly comic stories that I made a few years ago which were about me as a twelve year old. It has bits of stories about: my best friend dyeing her hair and feeling like Britney Spears, only to be very shot down by other kids; weird primary school homophobia; my best friend and I negatively motivating each other about our weight; daydreaming about girls gossiping behind my back about me being skeletally thin and it feeling amazing; tampon pranks; a sincere-ish boy apparently liking me “because of my boobs” and feeling very uncomfortable about it; writing a letter to dolly magazine’s ‘embarrassing moments” about a broken bra.
Photos from my tafe graduating exhibition in November! Unfortunately I only have blurry phone photos (it was a busy week for all of the people I know with good cameras). I’m leaving this here for memories, it was the most lovely experience really. I’m going to miss tafe.